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Entry #83

The State Of Things

2012-11-27 13:51:28 by Stickman91

I haven't been online much over the course of the past several weeks due to my time and mind being occupied with all sorts of things, but I feel now is an appropriate occasion to drop in and say hello, and to explain a bit of the mystery surrounding my recent vanishing act.

On my previous news post, I was asked about how Hurricane Sandy - a vicious storm that raged through my area a few weeks ago - treated me. Sandy didn't treat me well; she was extremely rude and refused to quit blowing, even when I tried to pull my pants up. She was also shockingly clumsy; she bumped into things and caused damage wherever she went. I'm glad our relationship is over.

All things considered, my immediate area didn't suffer too badly from the storm's wrath. There was almost no rain, but very strong gusts of wind blew frequently for a while. In a park near my residence, many trees - including some very large ones - were knocked down, and the ground was strewn with branches and leaves for some time after the storm passed. Thankfully, all the trees that could have fallen on my home stayed put.

I experienced a partial electricity outage that lasted for about a week, and my Internet service was cut off for about a week and a half; neither situation was particularly troublesome, though. Some homes right around mine lost all their electricity for a while, so I consider myself lucky.

My area is no longer feeling Sandy's impact much, but other locations sustained some serious damage and are still struggling to recover. I hope everything gets better as soon as possible for all who are dealing with unfortunate situations.

Despite the fact that my Internet service recovered from Sandy's destructive behavior over two weeks ago, I haven't shown my face around these parts since, and I'm sure the public is eager to know why. Unfortunately for the public, the reason(s) shall remain unknown for now, and possibly forever. After all, I only said I would explain a bit of the mystery.

What I will say is that there's a fair chance I'll take my leave once again at some point in the upcoming future for a long period of time.

And so, the profusion of confusion continues.


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2012-11-27 17:39:08

You got a blowjob from Hurricane Sandy? I suppose it was better than being given the cold shoulder by Hurricane Katrina. What is it with all these destructive women. Irene too, she was a bit of a bitch.

I'm also in the midst of a transition too Jack, nothing that will keep me from my Binding NG Slave Duties, but it's the sole reason why I haven't got around to replying to my PMs yet. I promise when I've finished what needs to be finished, I'll explain it all, but it does involve putting myself into a position where I am able to properly work on projects full time, as right now it's kind of stop/start stop/start all the time and I am not completely settled and setup to start doing what I want yet.

Hopefully you will be around for an eternity, and if not, then I hope you are able to fulfil yourself in life and get a lot of enjoyment in your future. It's the most important thing in the world to be totally at one and happy, contentment. All I will say is keep in charge of your destiny, pursue what you feel is right for you, don't let anyone try to dilute you.

Remain single-minded and focused and you'll get to where you want to be.

Stickman91 responds:

Indeed, Sandy gave me one hell of a blowjob, and she did it for free. In fact, she offered free blowjobs to people all over the East Coast of the United States, and literally blew everybody away with her frighteningly ferocious fellatio whether they were interested in her sexual favor or not.

Don't worry too much about getting back to our PLDVPM right away, especially if you're in the middle of a time-consuming transition; I can wait until you have the time and energy to continue. I'm interested in how things are changing for you, and would be delighted to hear all about those new developments when you're ready and willing to share them.

I hope to be around for an eternity too, and I agree with your thoughts on the importance of being satisfied with oneself. Once we continue our PLDVPM, I'll let you know more about how things are going and what I'm doing.


2012-11-27 19:43:02

I'm not where I want to be.

Stickman91 responds:

Neither am I, but I'm trying to stay optimistic about everything, and hoping that I don't receive another blowjob from one of Sandy's relatives.


2012-11-28 17:50:17

Hurricane Sandy is one hell of a slut. BUT! It's easy to forget that when she's sucking on your nuts.

We will resume our conversations soon and it will be brutal, explosive, candid, but most of all, it will be... none of those things.

Actually it might be, who knows, noone can pre or postdict the future. Our PLDVPM might have enough force to cause a full-scale meltdown of... candles. It could destroy the whole Chandel Candle Enterprise. The CCE is important, it means that when such crises occur, people will have emergency lighting to get through a power cut, like when Hurricane Sandy is giving generous blowjobs. Hurrrr being the noise most men made when they were just about to cum, hence Hurrrricane Sandy.

I'm afraid of the future, Ericane Sandy or Eric and Sandy could rule the woyyld.

Stickman91 responds:

The Chandel Candle Enterprise must be protected, along with the Chandel Candy Company, the Chandel Chemistry Collective, the Chandel Chameleon Conspiracy, and the Chandel Communication Conglomerate. That's why we're only going to continue our potentially pandemonium-producing PLDVPM once we're situated in a location far away from civilization and any place conducive to procreation.


2012-11-28 23:56:01

thank you

Stickman91 responds:

I don't know what you're thanking me for, so I thank you for giving me something to ponder. Now, you must be pondering the reason why I'm so thankful for being given something to ponder. I hope you're thankful for that!


2012-11-29 11:36:11

Chandel Costa Coffee, Chandle Crystal Chandeliers. Basically, he has monopolised every single word beginning with C, including incorporating some of them into the board game Monopoly. He even has a company that is known for improving polyamorous relationships.

Stickman91 responds:

And he camps out clandestinely with his co-workers at the Chandel Campsite in Croatia. I hope he isn't involved in criminal activity or the creation of catastrophes.


2012-12-01 13:22:48

Sounds like everyone is growing and changing this year.

Stickman91 responds:

Growth and change; it's all so strange.


2012-12-01 13:23:55

I wish I still owned all those companies.

Stickman91 responds:

They belong to Sinitech now. Managing so many companies is an awfully challenging task, but I'm sure he'll do an outstanding job with them. His first challenge: Figuring out how to rename them so that all the words in their names begin with "S".


2012-12-02 12:38:45

Jack has clearly become a government agent and is not allowed to tell us about it.

Stickman91 responds:

You're allowed to do whatever you please when you're a government agent, including tell others that you're a government agent. Whoever made that rule must not have been thinking very carefully.


2012-12-04 05:38:16

I am growing certainly, but I assure you I'm not changing. Honestly, I'm still the same man you know and love. If I do change, then I will give prior notice (usually 14 days) so that you know and can plan accordingly a new agenda. You can forget about me then, I will have already been taken, assimilated, it'll be too late, look after yourself now, go! Quickly! To the survival ark! I am doomed, I am already infected.

Infected with absolutely nothing.

Stickman91 responds:

I'll give you a nonexistent injection to heal your nonexistent infection. I won't tolerate rejection, so pull up your sleeve and quit fondling your erection.


2012-12-05 01:48:17

I don't want another vaccination Jack! I don't believe in them! I'm a Injectitheist!

Too late, now my body is full of the T-Virus... But I knew that already. I'm literally overflowing with Testosterone virus, that's probably why I'm fondling my erection.

Stickman91 responds:

This is a vaccination that will protect you from ejaculation... Wait a minute, why would anybody want to be vaccinated against that?!? What am I doing?!?!?

I've had enough of taking these vaccines; I think I'm going to start taking vacations instead.


2012-12-05 02:15:39

Undiscovered comments: 610 046

Stickman91 responds:

Those comments are now officially unundiscovered.


2012-12-08 18:06:21

An we're all left asking, "What's his Schtick MAN?!?!?"

(Updated ) Stickman91 responds:

My schtick is SHARICK:


2012-12-13 13:22:28

Hopefully the profusion of confusion doesn't cause major disruption.

Can you read me? Jack!! Copy. "He's not picking up John! What do we do?" -- "Instruct the riggers, we've got a large wave coming up!"

"Jack! Jack!" -- "He's still not picking up!" -- "Dammit! Where is he? We're losing direction and we're gonna sink like the Titanic if he doesn't resurface from down there!!"

(Updated ) Stickman91 responds:

Don't you worry, I'll get back up. There won't be any need to have Major Disruption take over for me.


2012-12-16 19:35:24

I want you to have my babies... for dinner. O_O

Stickman91 responds:

I'll try your babies as long as they don't have rabies.


2012-12-16 19:44:26

It would be more interesting to have a Major qualification in Disruption. But who would spend twenty-five years at Uni studying Disruption, just to Major in that course. But having a Major in Disruption would have it's benefits, you could go around the world disrupting everything and everyone at the most inconvenient moments.

Or the most convenient moments.. doesn't really matter. A Major disruptor disrupts at any place, any time, whether you are having a minute silence or practicing yoga.

Stickman91 responds:

I'm not interested in disruption; I'd much rather study penile eruption.


2012-12-16 19:45:21

Or while sipping soda with Yoda while receiving a blowjob at a SOPA convention.

Stickman91 responds:

You call it a convention, but it seems unconventional; much of what goes on there must be kept confidential.


2012-12-17 18:07:34

I wanted to be a government agent but I failed the IQ test, they said I was legally retarded and gave me a football helmet.

I don't even like the Redskins.

Stickman91 responds:

I don't even know the Redskins, but I think I'll stick with the skin I'm in.


2012-12-18 13:30:55

That's what it says on my notifications, Stickman91 - New Art. So that's where you have been, having a transplant.

Stickman91 responds:

You should see another "new art" notification now, unless you've lost your eyes, in which case you're the one who now needs a transplant. I'm afraid I don't have any eyes in stock at the moment, but you can have these letters I picked out of my alphabet soup:



2012-12-19 13:05:21


Stickman91 responds:

You sound exactly like someone who's just come back from the dead. Very fitting!


2012-12-19 15:43:31

I haven't lost my eyes, I keep them in a drawer in a small container. But if they are there, how am I supposed to find them with empty eye sockets?

Stickman91 responds:

You ride your autonomous electric chair over to the drawer, of course. But how are you supposed to ride your electric chair with empty electrical sockets?


2012-12-19 20:14:33

I have a carer, she will push my autonomous electric chair for me. But how can she push me when her fingers have slipped out of the sockets.

Stickman91 responds:

I suppose she'll have to use her feet to push you. But how can she do that when her feet keep slipping out of her slippers?


2012-12-21 02:51:58

She will have to put rubber-lined soles in her slippers. But how can she do that when she has already filled her slippers with layers upon layers of socks?

Stickman91 responds:

Oh to hell with it!!!! I'll get your eyes for you!!

... But how am I supposed to get your eyes if mine are in the same small container that yours are in? Even if after stumbling around blindly for hours I managed to find the drawer containing the container, I still wouldn't be able to distinguish your eyes from mine. And, while trying to pry our eyes out of the container, I'd probably stick my fingers too far in and crush all of them into a sloppy mess.

In hindsight, this eye-storing idea wasn't very good.


2012-12-22 22:36:52

Get me my eyes, and would it kill you to make me a chocolate milkshake?!?!?!

At the double!!

You're going to earn your keep as my butler. And if you don't, I'll hire someone else... and then someone else... and then someone else... Until I find a person worthy enough of making me a fucking chocolate milkshake!!

Now get out of my sight!!

Oh wait, I have no sight.


2012-12-25 14:20:48

"she was extremely rude and refused to quit blowing"
you sir are clever and have made me lol

Stickman91 responds:

By all means, continue your LOLing. Just don't start rolling down that hill you're standing on, as it's surrounded by ravines that are full of ravenous beasts.


2012-12-26 05:03:13

I have no sight, and that's shite.

But I might get laser eye surgery..


Despite, not having the money to do so.

Not to worry, Sandy is coming round to blow me. The weather is 60 degrees here and the sweat is literally pouring off of me.

Oh Dog, now she's blowing me in other ways. This wasn't supposed to happen!!!

... But I'm glad it did.

Expensive blowjob though, as she's also uprooted my house.


2012-12-29 17:09:23



2013-01-24 00:20:36

you are a loser , bitch


2013-01-30 18:16:48

Over a month and still no return. Time to check his house, and shout through the windows. Failing that, we could always break in......

... And burgle him while he's asleep!

Seriously though, you must return, or at the very least, press the Return Key.


2013-01-30 18:16:48

Over a month and still no return. Time to check his house, and shout through the windows. Failing that, we could always break in......

... And burgle him while he's asleep!

Seriously though, you must return, or at the very least, press the Return Key.


2013-02-11 13:57:03

"Jack! .......... Jackkkkkk! ......... JACKKKKKK!" -- "It's no good Eric, he's not down here. It was a bad idea coming down this mineshaft." -- "But my calculations..." -- "What about your fucking calculations!" -- "They are wrong." -- "Yeah, that's bleedin' obvious now isn't it! You fool! Now we're trapped and lost in this bloody tomb." -- "Don't worry, I brought a torch along." -- "Common sense at last!" -- "We just need to find some batteries." -- "Wha? You forgot the fucking batteries? I despair I really do. Now we'll never find Jack, we've no map, we're gonna die Eric, you do realise that." -- "C'mon Ryan.. we won't die, at least not for six hours." -- "Oh that makes me feel much better."


2013-02-27 21:27:49

Still not back!

I guess that's it then, it's over... The dream. Whatever the dream was. I had a strange dream where you made a long-awaited comeback while we were all laying on our death beds awaiting bone marrow. You turned up at the last minute just as we were all going to take our final respective breaths, and saved us from Perishment, before we perished quicker than a gay parishioner.

Hopefully you will come back one day and explain what actually happened? Were you involved in some kind of modern-day Chernobyl? Swept out to sea? Walk that went horribly wrong? Suffocated underneath a woman's pussy?

Whatever happened that night, it can't have been good... or bad, but I bet it was rather radical and this sabbatical you have taken to participate in some mathematical puzzle that has left me puzzled, my free speech muzzled, vocals muffled, kept from the truth, unable to solve the riddle, no matter how many theories I scribble.

Nothing will kee--- hisss.... me *crackle crackle* -- ffuu! *sizzle sounds* -- "you can't shut m....." *Pop!!* "what's-goi.." -- "Shit, we're flying over the Nevada Triangle again!!"

Stickman91 responds:

Again?! This is the fourth time we've flown over the Nevada Triangle today!! What kind of pilot are you?!? Why are you flying us in circles?!? You must be blind!!!!

... Which makes sense since I never retrieved your eyes for you.

Well... let me at the controls, and I'll change our course!!

... Alright, that's much better. We're on auto-pilot now, and traveling straight towards the nearest eyeball bazaar, which surely must be a bizarre place. We'll pick you up a new pair of eyes there, as well as a spare pair. And then we'll attend the Eyeball Fair, where we'll wear our eyes with pride... if we dare.

But first, we have to discuss The Dream, which remains almost entirely shrouded in mystery... so I suppose there isn't much else to be said about it. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that The Dream is not over. It lives on, somewhere, somehow. And someday, we may find it and fulfill it.

But for the time being, let's just fill these drinking glasses. I don't know about you, but I'm parched.


2013-03-05 22:23:52

We need a spare pair of eyes for the Eyeball Fair as the last pair were stolen by the Eyeball Fairy. The Eyeball Fairy hangs out with the Tooth Fairy, and together they go around stealing people's body parts.

Turns out they were working for a sinister black market organ harvesting organisation. Geddit? Organisation? Even better when you think, 'organ'eye'sation.'

I'll let myself out. But not before filling our glasses with tooth brush filaments. Then we will set about discussing The Dream. The Dream is real, or am I just dreaming that it's real? Or am I reeling from the shock that the dream might not be real? Or do we have to go fishing so we can reel in the dream from the giant stream? The giant stream of water that keeps buffering.. 24%.... 44%....... 79%.......... 94%...... And then let's us continue what we were actually saying. The Dream sounds scary, it might have been more of a nightmare, or a night where I wore nightwear and garments, or armour like knights wear. Or maybe The Dream was a white hare that led us down a hole into a place that I weren't told about, like the Nevada Triangle, or maybe we just got lost in playing the idiophone triangle to the extent where we made music of the highest accord...... ion. According to sources who watched that day. We were praised by the critics and it raised our spirits until we were punched in the face by the cynics.

What have you missed out on since you were gone? Well, a lot of shit went down let me tell you! I mean literally, a lot of shit went down the toilet. And a new chapter of The Opus was written... but that's old news mannn!!


2013-03-07 10:59:40



2013-04-07 21:08:35

You have spent too long underwater now, pull your head back up now!

Jack! Jack! *Dramatic music*

Continue / Game Over - Press Start.


2013-04-14 22:39:37

Here today, Gone tomorrow.


2013-06-10 21:44:24

i miss my 2009 newgrounds clique


2013-06-11 14:37:02

It was a good clique. But with a click of the fingers, it's all gone... ALL GONE I TELLS YA!!! WAHHHHH!!!

... Until tomorrow.


2013-06-19 04:50:08

wur u @ dawt i herd u was str8 wrekin fols up in new yoke dawt day talkin bot dis nig jak lik he a str8 kila 4 reel tho


2013-07-12 21:32:07

Stickman91 confirmed for imprisoned mob boss.


2013-08-05 23:03:22

The profusion of confusion has continually continued since the start of the New Year. This is the biggest mysterious disappearance since Lord Lucan. But that's probably because nobody was even Lucan for him. If they had taken out sniffer dogs and torches, they would have found him sitting in a shed, over a tub of hot water and menthol, a towel wrapped across his head. On the run you see. A fugitive.

Be on the Luc out for Luke. If you see Lucan, you're Lucan in the right place. The reward is 50,000 dollars.

If you see Jack, the reward is even greater. You will be given a gold-plated Dildo Chair and Brick-Proof Face Mask.

This comment was brought to you by Pepsi in association with Giacom Inc.

Fucking advertising and red tape.


2013-10-06 04:01:20

It's weird. You have been gone for so long, it's almost starting to feel as though you never existed. It would be good to see you back on the portal, to blow the dust off your profile and bring some of the magnificent Stickman91 colour back into all our lives.

You must be able to reach a computer. What is happening? Are you working on something bigger than The Mammoth Tusk? Or just letting out a Mammoth Tsk during the predictable Philosophy 101 classes?

Whatever is happening, the mystery will end one day. All will be revealed, like re-packaged veal.


2013-11-25 15:16:46

.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----"

send this GUN to everyone you care about including me if you care. C how many times you get this, if you get a 13 your A TRUE HOMIE


2014-02-24 18:03:18

Would love to see you return to the portal one day man.

I hope all in life is well for you.


2014-06-15 12:57:13

So what, are you like dead Mr.Stickman?


2015-01-10 18:28:37

It's been a crazy long time without you on the portal. Either something serious happened or you followed through with the seek nature desert technology plan.

I cannot imagine that you couldn't connect to the Internet in all this time. As I say, it would be really nice to hear back from you one day in the near future.


2015-04-25 08:12:56



2016-06-04 01:13:31

A lot of people have gone and come, myself included. You are the only one who stopped at the first step.

It would blow my mind if you came back at this point.


2016-06-09 11:36:50

I know what happened to you. You moved to Cuba like Tupac.


2016-06-10 21:22:18

I think I added you on Steam at one point. Forgot who you were though. Oh the old days.


2017-10-19 20:11:10

Did you join Scientology?